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i dont know what to put here, but yeah, its basically a forum, and what is the purpose of a forum. You can google it. =))
 
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 Come post any jokes here ^^

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hamliomusica
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PostSubject: Come post any jokes here ^^   Wed 05 Nov 2008, 20:51

lt's start a topic to share jokes and make people laugh lo.. cheers ..post any jokes here, no matter is 18sx or good boy jokes, juz post here, but 18sx jokes not too obscene.
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Wed 05 Nov 2008, 20:53

i'll start it off ba.. Very Happy


A MENTAL HOSPITAL
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Wed 05 Nov 2008, 20:58

FIRST
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

SECOND
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

THIRD
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.

FOURTH
A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classoom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being
the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Wed 05 Nov 2008, 22:38

Dirty Joke about Little Billy

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 14:19

y no ppl post any jokes ge? only me post..T.T..i alone syok sendiri here.. No
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 15:11

Why did the chicken cross the road?



Primary Teacher ---- To get to the other side.

Plato ---- For the greater good.

Aristotle ---- It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Karl Marx ---- It was a historical inevitability.

Timothy Leary ---- Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

Saddam Hussein ---- This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Ronald Reagan ---- I forget.

Capt James T Kirk ---- To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Hippocrates ---- Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

Andersen Consulting ---- Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its Physical Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken to use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge, capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Louis Farrakhan ---- The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

Martin Luther King ---- I envision a world where all chicken's will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Moses ---- And God came down from the heavens, and he said unto the chicken, 'Thou shalt cross the road'. And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder ---- You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it.

Richard M Nixon ---- The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Bill Clinton ---- I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again. I did not have sexual relations with that chicken. These allegations are false.

Bill Clinton ---- again While my answers were legally accurate, I did not volunteer information. Indeed I did have a relationship with that chicken which was not appropriate. In fact it was wrong.

Machiavelli ---- The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of the crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Jerry Seinfeld ---- Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, 'What the heck was that chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?'

Freud ---- The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates ---- I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook.

Oliver Stone ---- The question is not 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'. Rather it is, 'Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?'

Darwin ---- Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Einstein ---- Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Buddha ---- Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

Ralph Waldo Emerson ---- The chicken did not cross the road ..... it transcended it

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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 15:14

Ah Beng urgently needed a few days off work, but he knew the Boss would not allow him to take leave. He thought that maybe if he acted "CRAZY" then the boss would tell him to take a few days off.

So he hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

His co-worker (Ms Lian) asked him what is he doing?

He told her that he is pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think he was "CRAZY" and give him a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?" He told him that he is a light bulb. The boss said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

Ah Beng jumped down and walked out of the office.

When his co-worker (Ms Lian) followed him out, the Boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?"



She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!

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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 15:19

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Muthu: 13th October
Which year?
Muthu: .....EVERY YEAR


Manager asked to Muthu at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than
100 letters in it?
Muthu replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.


After returning back from a foreign trip,
Muthu asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Muthu: In London a lady asked me
"Are you a foreigner?".

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Muthu:
Any great man born in this village???
Muthu: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Muthu writes,
"Gandi was a great man,
but I don't know who is Jayanthi."


Muthu was doing experiment with
cockroach,
first he cut it's one leg
and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked.
Then he cut it's second leg and
told the same. Cockroach walked.
Then cut the third leg and did the
same.
At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk!
But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly Muthu
said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs,
it becomes deaf."

On a political rally Muthu was arrested.
Why???
A woman journalist walking with a badge
wrote "PRESS" and
He did it..

When Muthu was traveling with his wife
in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying
to see my wife? Sit back.
I will drive.

Muthu went in a hotel. To wash hands he
went to the washbasin.
There he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he
doing.
Muthu pointed towards the board
"WASH BASIN"

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd
floor, it caught fire and how will
you escape?
Muthu: its simple. I will stop my
imagination!!!










there, THREE jokes for you guys to get cold and die.

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jo
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 20:46

haha..LAM..
shock sendiri la u...
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 21:29

jolyne wrote:
haha..LAM..
shock sendiri la u...


lol..u spelled wrong ler..is syok sendiri..not shock.. lol! Razz

and wye keat, the jokes on muthu are damn funny leh..lol
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 21:45

i like la..
i song u song???
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 21:46

jolyne wrote:
i like la..
i song u song???

i song.. Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 22:07

There's a man who has fifty inch long penis. But he can't get any sex, because every woman who sees it faints at the sight. So he goes to the doctor and begs him to shorten it. But the doctor refuses - he can't shorten a perfectly good penis, he tells the man, but he does happen to know a witch who lives in the forest. She might be able to help.

Because he's so desperate he decides he'll go and see her, though of course he thinks it's all a bit odd. But he sets off into the forest and sure enough finds the witch sitting in front of her cottage casting spells. "Witch," he says, "please help me, I have a fifty inch long penis and no one will have sex with me!"

She takes one look at his massive cock and then says, "You do need my help. But you must go into the forest and find the magic frog who lives in the pond. Ask him to marry you, and each time he refuses, your penis will shrink by ten inches!"

Weird though this is, the man is desperate, so off he goes into the forest. And, sure enough, he finds the magic frog singing quietly to itself. "Froggy," he shouts, "please marry me!" The frog looks up, annoyed. "No!" he croaks, "I can't do that, seeing as how I'm a frog and you're a man." The guy looks down - sure enough, his penis has shrunk by ten inches! It's still a bit long for sex, he thinks, at forty inches, but he's delighted, so he shouts back at the frog: "Oh, go on, please marry me!"

"No - I told you once!" the frog croaks, "I can't do that!" The man looks down - sure enough, his penis has shrunk by ten inches again! It's now only thirty inches long! The guy thinks this is wonderful but, still, another ten inches off would be perfect!

"Frog," he roars across the pond, "please marry me!" The frog looks extremely annoyed, shakes his head and shouts, "No ..........NO.....AND FOR THE LAST TIME.........NO!"
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 22:13

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,"
says Little Red Riding Hood.

The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again;
this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

"My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
"My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you get lost? I'm trying to take a dump!"
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 22:17

u song ur business la..
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 23:11

Marriage Can be Fun


Wife: What are you doing?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing ...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour !
Husband : I was looking for the expiry date.


--------------------------------------------------------------------

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure ! What are my choices ?
Wife : Yes and no.


--------------------------------------------------------------------

Wife: You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why ?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible,

I look at your picture, and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you ?
Hubby: Yes! I see your picture and ask myself ---

what other problem can be greater than this one ?


--------------------------------------------------------------------

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your

worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet !

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning,

he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.


--------------------------------------------------------------------
A newly married man asked his wife

" Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune ? "
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly,

" I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE ! "


--------------------------------------------------------------------

Father to son after exam: Let me see your report card.
Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.


--------------------------------------------------------------------

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the early warning.


--------------------------------------------------------------------

A wife asked her husband:

What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:

I like your sense of humor.

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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 23:12

Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the US from China.

They decided to become American Citizens, and "Americanize" their names.

Bu - called himself "Buck"

Chu called himself "Chuck"

and Fu had to go back to China

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.

And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"

And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"

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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Thu 06 Nov 2008, 23:25

Why did the blonde climb the clear glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.

How can you tell is a blond has been working on your computer?
White out on the screen.

Two blondes walking together in the woods, come across a set of tracks...The first blonde says. "Look ! Deer tracks! ". The second blonde says, "No, those are Bear tracks!"... Then the train hit them...

What does a blond say after a date?
Are you guys all on the same team?

Why are blonde's breasts square?
They forget to take the Kleenex out of the box.

A dumb blonde, a smart blond and Santa Claus jump off of a bridge, who makes the bigger splash?
The dumb blonde because the others don't exist.

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool.

What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A Golden Retriever.

What do you call a blonde talking between two brunettes?
Confused.

What do you call a brunette talking between two blondes?
An interpreter.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
I hope it's mine!!

What's the difference between a blonde from (any city you like) and a garbage can?
At least the garbage can gets taken out once a week!

What do you call a blonde on a college campus?
A visitor!

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?
Tell her a joke on Friday.

Why was the blonde so happy when she finished a 500 piece puzzle in 6 months?
Because on the box it said 3 - 6 years!
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender: "What is a B and C?"
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and Tonic."
Blonde: (getting the idea) "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "A 7 and 7."

Why are blond jokes so stupid?
So men can understand them

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the W's.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.

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PostSubject: A true Joke   Wed 12 Nov 2008, 17:56

We planning to go somewhere but Catherine dun wan go , then she msn me
Catherine : hey,tmr i dun wan go lo.
Miracle :aiyor, i ardy expect u wont go lar..haha
Catherine : i tell u why..1st no transport , 2nd no money , ok?

(ok lur , since she got reason say dun wan go , then i accept her excuse lur..but u see wat she reply to me..)

Miracle : ok lar..
Catherine : DUN DISPOSAL ME ARH!!

i dunno wan give wat respon to her ler =.= Laughing

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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Wed 12 Nov 2008, 18:08

jus disposal her la...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Wed 12 Nov 2008, 18:17

if wan disposal her , i think u also need disposal too =)
juz the different is , Catherine is FULLY disposal ,
but Jolyne the Panda is HALF disposal cheers

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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Wed 12 Nov 2008, 18:25

u wan disposal me den disposal me la...
i nevermind de...
is catherine dun wan oni ma...
haha
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Wed 12 Nov 2008, 18:31

dun wan lar...
i also scare Catherine wan ler =)
later she chop me arrowhead

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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Wed 12 Nov 2008, 19:25

like la she wil chop u..
haha
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PostSubject: Re: Come post any jokes here ^^   Wed 12 Nov 2008, 21:18

haha..catherine got so scary mer?lol Laughing
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